Planets 4 Sale Postmortem
Accidental honesty. Essay, 1000 words, 5-minute read.
Planets 4 Sale Postmortem
By Ray Tabler
Thank you reading Planets 4 Sale. I hope you enjoyed the book, because it was always intended to be a fun read. Spoiler alert! This essay discusses Planets 4 Sale, and assumes you’ve read the darn thing. As such, events of the story will be examined, aired, dissected, and much jawed about. You have been warned. 😉
A long time ago the idea of a free-roaming interstellar con man popped into my head. The Star Trek character of Harcourt Fenton Mudd, flamboyant and morally bankrupt purveyor of mail-order brides and overly-attentive robots, was an influence. But, Mudd is a surprisingly one-dimensional character, once you get past the bluster and sales pitch. He really has no depth beyond his greed and fear of an honest-day’s work. Mudd is good for a laugh and to stir up trouble which Kirk has to deal with. He works for the two episodes he’s in. And that’s all.
In Star Trek, the original series, that is. Mudd also appeared in the Star Trek animated series (where he was essentially the same), and Discovery (where he was a lot darker). Never caught the Discovery episodes.
I was after a different character, anyway. McGee is a bubbling mixture of captain Jack Sparrow, professor Howard Hill from the Music Man, and Edward G. Robinson in Larceny Inc. All of these fast-talking grifters aspire to be the quintessential flimflam man, surfing through life on an endless wave of suckers and hapless fools. Yet, each is betrayed by an unsuspected humanity, decency, and a good heart that just won’t let them be as cynical as they think they are.
The magical thing is that I didn’t consciously realize that was the kind of story I was writing until most of the way through. I’m a discovery writer, a pantser to use the slightly pejorative term. The first part of this tale to see the light of day was the middle, McGee selling the colonists a bill of goods on New Kaui. “Would you rather shell out your life savings for a homestead on some slag heap called Shmaldathia, or on the tropical paradise world of New Kauai?” McGee doesn’t care who he scams. “Bigamists? Socialists? Nudists? Something that ends in -ist. Didn’t pay much attention once they signed the letter of intent, and the deposit went into escrow.”
How did McGee and his crew get there? The back story came next, inadvertently planting seeds of trouble that would sprout later on. A funny thing happened to McGee on the way to cheating the rubes. In spite of his best efforts, he actually started helping people, solving their problems, selling them a fresh start instead of just taking them for a ride. He tried hard to pass it off as nothing more that part of the sales pitch. “It’s all about meeting needs.” “We didn’t come all this way to be cosmic couch potatoes.” When Milla asks him if the Federation needs a revolution, McGee says, “Wouldn’t go that far, Milla baby. But she could do with a bit of shaking up.”
As much as McGee longs to be a hard-nosed con man, he admits in a rare moment of introspection, “I might appear to be tough as nails, but I’m really just an old softy, down deep.” Having a heart is a fatal flaw for a grifter. It prevents the predator from viewing his prey as anything but the next meal. And McGee is afflicted with a tragic case of conscious.
What brings McGee to this cruel fate? First, it is the surprising fact that the very people who he has been cheating show up to protest his incarceration. Without meaning to, McGee sold them a new life instead of a bill of goods. This comes as a complete surprise to him. However, the careful reader will have noted that by this time he is actually giving planets away for free. Granted, to simply save his skin at times, but uncharacteristically generous for a con man.
Second, the members of his crew, who he has been exploiting, risk everything to spring him from captivity. McGee is shocked that Pradeep, Mitch, and Eddie haven’t skedaddled back to Earth by then. Why? He hasn’t treated them very well. Charisma alone won’t explain their loyalty. Maybe, as reluctant as they were to leave their comfort zones, the boys needed McGee’s audacity to brave the wider world(s).
Most of all, ‘twas love which slayed McGee’s greed, ambition, and heartlessness. Milla tracked McGee down across half the galaxy, and hog tied him with heart strings. No angel is she, but Milla loves him just as he is. That puzzles and troubles McGee, forcing him to embark upon a silent, internal journey of self-discovery. What does she see in him? There must be something there, even if he is blind to it.
Finally, McGee is confronted with the shocking fact that he is not a bad person after all. Not exactly a good person, in all honesty, but not nearly as bad as he always thought. Somewhere along the way, he inadvertently starting delivering on the promises he only meant as a sleazy bait and switch. No longer playing three-card monte on a planetary scale, McGee has messed around and gone legit!
Is this a realistic story? No. Real con men probably don’t have come-to-Jesus moments like this. At least not often. Yet, I think it works, as a tale. Maybe that’s simply wishful thinking. It makes us feel better when the Grinch’s heart grows three sizes. We can always hope, and we do. It’s that hope which makes people easy prey for scoundrels. But hope can ensnare scoundrels as well.
Is this the end of McGee’s story? Depends. This tale was originally envisioned as a TV show, in the form of a novel. Maybe this was only the first season. McGee and the gang have found happiness and love. But bad guys tend to carry a grudge, and they’re still out there. Plotting revenge? McGee might have to take a few detours off they straight and narrow, simply to take care of business. Time will tell.
END.
If you’re intrigued with the Planets 4 Sale serial, you can find the story here: https://raytabler.substack.com/s/planets-4-sale-serial
There seems to be a fair amount of interest here on Substack for serial fiction. And, truth be told, I enjoy bringing it to you. That’s fortuitously synergistic. As a result, I’m typing furiously on the next saga, The School of Magical Engineering. If all goes well, she’ll kick off next week.
School of Magical Engineering won’t be the first fantasy tale I’ve penned. But it will be the first of novel length… If it ends up being a novel. That’s the trouble, and the thrill, of being a discovery writer. I’m not entirely sure where the story will finish before it does. Or, at least until it gets closer to the end than the beginning. So, take a ride with me, won’t you?
Shameless Self-Promotion Section:
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Having McGee have heart made us care about him. A conman who has no principles is hard to root for. One who cares about people and focuses his cons on crooks or rotten overlords we can root for. What you did for McGee totally worked and had me rooting for your funny flimflam man.
Looking forward to your next serial adventure and I always enjoy your warped sense of humor.
McGee is a practitioner of the quintessentially American art of the long con.